I'm Afraid of Men - by Vivek Shraya (Hardcover)

Number of Pages: 96
Genre: Social Science
Sub-Genre: Gender Studies
Format: Hardcover
Publisher: Penguin Books Canada
Age Range: Adult
Author: Vivek Shraya
Language: English

About the Book

"A powerful meditation on the damaging effects of masculinity from a trans girl--a writer with celebrated indie roots and a knack for dismantling assumptions and challenging the status quo. Toxic masculinity takes many insidious forms, from misogyny and sexual harassment to homophobia, transphobia, and bullying. Vivek Shraya has firsthand experience with nearly all of them. As a boy, Vivek exhibited "feminine" qualities. The men in her life immediately and violently disapproved. They taught her to fear the word girl by turning it into a weapon used to hurt her. They taught her to hate her femininity, to destroy the best parts of herself. In order to survive, Vivek had to learn to convincingly perform masculinity. As a girl, she's still afraid. Having spent years undoing the damage and salvaging her lost girlhood, she is haunted by the violence of men, seldom dressing the way she wants in public. As a result she is often still perceived as male, stirring feelings of guilt and self-doubt: Am I not feminine enough? Is this my fault for striving to be the perfect man and excelling at it? I'm Afraid of Men is a culmination of the years Vivek spent observing men and creating her own version of manhood. Through deeply personal reflection, she offers a rare and multifaceted perspective on gender and a hopeful reimagining of masculinity at a time when it's needed more than ever"--

Book Synopsis

Named a Best Book by: The Globe and Mail, Indigo, Out Magazine, Audible, CBC, Apple, Quill & Quire, Kirkus Reviews, Brooklyn Public Library, Writers' Trust of Canada, Autostraddle, Bitch, and BookRiot.

Finalist for the 2019 Lambda Literary Award, Transgender Nonfiction
Nominated for the 2019 Forest of Reading Evergreen Award
Winner of the 2018 Alcuin Society Awards for Excellence in Book Design - Prose Non-Fiction

Cultural rocket fuel. --Vanity Fair

Emotional and painful but also layered with humour, I'm Afraid of Men will widen your lens on gender and challenge you to do better. This challenge is a necessary one--one we must all take up. It is a gift to dive into Vivek's heart and mind. --Rupi Kaur, bestselling author of The Sun and Her Flowers and Milk and Honey

A trans artist explores how masculinity was imposed on her as a boy and continues to haunt her as a girl--and how we might reimagine gender for the twenty-first century.

Vivek Shraya has reason to be afraid. Throughout her life she's endured acts of cruelty and aggression for being too feminine as a boy and not feminine enough as a girl. In order to survive childhood, she had to learn to convincingly perform masculinity. As an adult, she makes daily compromises to steel herself against everything from verbal attacks to heartbreak.

Now, with raw honesty, Shraya delivers an important record of the cumulative damage caused by misogyny, homophobia, and transphobia, releasing trauma from a body that has always refused to assimilate. I'm Afraid of Men is a journey from camouflage to a riot of colour and a blueprint for how we might cherish all that makes us different and conquer all that makes us afraid.

Review Quotes

Finalist for the 2019 Lambda Literary Award, Transgender Nonfiction
Winner of the 2018 Alcuin Society Awards for Excellence in Book Design - Prose Non-Fiction

Named a Best Book by: The Globe and Mail, Indigo, Out Magazine, Audible, CBC, Apple, Quill & Quire, Kirkus Reviews, Brooklyn Public Library, Writers' Trust of Canada, Autostraddle, Bitch, and BookRiot.

"Vivek Shraya transforms her long-festering fears of men into cultural rocket fuel ... Shraya's dispatches from the frontlines of life as a queer, trans woman of color are frequently illuminating, painfully honest, and, in spite of everything, hopeful."
--Vanity Fair

"Emotional and painful but also layered with humour, I'm Afraid of Men will widen your lens on gender and challenge you to do better. This challenge is a necessary one--one we must all take up. It is a gift to dive into Vivek's heart and mind."
--Rupi Kaur, bestselling author of The Sun and Her Flowers and Milk and Honey

"Brilliant, funny, and deeply vulnerable, Shraya's I'm Afraid of Men is both a moving memoir and a rallying cry for a better future. Her insights on the myriad ways the binary oppresses and denigrates are invaluable and resonant. I adore this book."
--Jill Soloway

"In I'm Afraid of Men, Vivek Shraya owns and exposes her own history with masculinity and offers a way out of this harmful and old-fashioned binary we call gender. My head nodded along quietly in agreement any time I wasn't wiping away rising tides of tears. Vivek Shraya is a superior voice, and this book is essential reading for everyone."
--Tegan Quin of Tegan and Sara

"Vivek Shraya's writing is always empathetic but challenging, kind but sharp, and I'm Afraid of Men forces you to confront what you think you know about masculinity, privilege, and fear. Reading Shraya's writing will make you a better person, through and through."
--Scaachi Koul, author of One Day We'll All Be Dead and None of This Will Matter

"Shraya crafts each of her memories in prose made poetic with touches of metaphor. She writes with honesty and vulnerability, all the while asking challenging and personal questions that inspire deeper reflection. This crucial addition to shelves offers the vital and often ignored perspective of a trans woman of color. A book to carry with you."
--Kirkus Reviews (starred review)

"Anyone who has ever looked behind them when walking at night, avoided eye contact with strangers or wiped off a lipstick for being too bold--so, all of us--should read this mini-manifesto."
--Elle Canada

"A gift and a hell of a book--beautiful, intimate, insightful, and essential."
--Jesse Wente, NOW Magazine

"Viscerally powerful ... creating tectonic fissures into antiquated beliefs around gender identity."
--Toronto Star

About the Author

VIVEK SHRAYA is an artist whose body of work crosses the boundaries of music, literature, visual art, theatre, and film. Her bestselling book I'm Afraid of Men was heralded by Vanity Fair as cultural rocket fuel, and her album with Queer Songbook Orchestra, Part-Time Woman, was nominated for the Polaris Music Prize. The founder of the publishing imprint VS. Books, Shraya is a six-time Lambda Literary Award finalist, a director on the board of the Tegan and Sara Foundation, and an Assistant Professor of Creative Writing at the University of Calgary. She's currently adapting her debut play, How to Fail As a Popstar, into a television pilot script with the support of CBC.